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Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Day Sixteen in Skyrim: A Daedra of My Own

-Across rivers, over mountains and through bandit camps. Once again we stand at a long forgotten gate that is awaiting our arrival. Come on Punchy, the abyss calls our names once more.

-Ok, these places are starting to get a bit more disturbing, so we need to take some precautions. Punchy, take this fancy daedra summoning wand and this other wand that summons fire. I don’t care if only a snapping turtle tries to ambush us, you hit with both barrels, got it?

-And that goes double if it starts talking.

-Meeko and Snuggleface? I... I suppose you two should go on being dogs? I’m really unsure of what advice to give you guys.

-As for me, well I’m pretty glorious and perfect and despite that I just spent two thousand gold on improved arrows, loading my quiver with them as we speak.

-The graybeards said we should be able to find the Horn of Jurgen Windcaller somewhere in this crypt. I’m going to guess it’s not hanging on a hook near the door.

-What did we wander into?...necromancers, mages, zombies, spiders all in mid-battle. HEY! Watch where you throw those fireballs, Mister! I have half a mind to... wait, you’re getting eaten by a spider, nevermind.

-Let’s just take this nice and slow and see if we can creep past all this chaos and let these jokers kill each other.

-This would be way easier if you two STOPPED BARKING! My god, It sounds like I have Chihuahuas strapped to my head.

-Well now they see us, are you two happy now?! That’s it, tonight you’re sleeping outside!

-You know what would be very wrong of me, Mister Necromancer? If I hit you with a paralyzing arrow and left you alone with that zombie.

-*thwomp* Wow, I am WAY more evil than I anticipated.

-Is a necromancer being eaten by a zombie ironic? I’m not sure.

-No no, keep trying to sneak up on me you undead punks, I have two dogs circling me like I’m the sun, no way you’re getting past them without a few teeth marks.

-Look at Punchy’s summoned daedra go! He’s like a bull in a zombie shop.

-AND he talks crazy soul-breaking smack?! Oh this is beyond perfect.

-He is also a very snappy dresser; nothing says fashion like armor crafted from the bones and souls of the wicked.

-You need a name, something fancy yet terrifying.Hmm...

-Reginald the Damned! *giggling and happy clapping*

-Why hello evil mages! I see you’re having a hard time with those zombies. I hate to be the one to tell you, but your day is about to get much, MUCH worse.

-Oh... wow, I’ve never seen a man held down by dogs while a daedra runs him through, and now I’ve seen it twice in thirty seconds.

-I feel like I should be selling tickets to this. The most impressively disturbing show on earth!

**To be continued**

Punchy the Unbroken, ready for anything

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