-You know what I find disappointing right now? Everything.
-I’ve messed up, I know it. No way to make it better either. I should solve this problem in the most healthy way I know how. *checks map* Where is the nearest Tavern?
-Ivarstead, a simple farming community filled with simple people... that will one day fill Alduin’s stomach.
-What? You think these people could stop Alduin, Punchy? The sharpest weapon in this entire town is that sheep. Esbern is right, Alduin is going to eat everything and this stupid town isn’t even going to count as an h’ourder... h’orderov... appetizer.
-So you want to venture out of this village young lady? Tell me, Fastred, where do you wish to go? RIFTEN? REALLY!? Look, if you need someone to steal all your money just let me know. I can save you a trip.
-You know what? I’m going to tell your parents you’re an idiot. Also, that they are bad parents.... want to go to Riften... kids these days... *disgruntled mumbling*
-Hey! Jofthor! Yeah you! Is that your daughter? If so you SUCK at parenting! She aspires to travel to RIFTEN! Yeah, that’s right, RIFTEN! She might as well aspire to die in a fire!
-She wants to leave because of a boy? Oh... well. I suppose that explains all the poor life choices.
-.... and he is an arrogant talentless poet? With no real life skills? Listen, from one parent to another, I can kill him for you. No, I’m so serious right now. I mean, a giant dragon is going to eat us all in a week or two anyway, so this really isn’t that big of a deal.
-Right,
no murdering. Listen, I’m going to have a little talk with Bassianus
the poet. I’ve been told I can be very... persuasive.
-Bassianus, I just meet you, and this is crazy, but I’m a bipedal lizard, run for your life maybe?
-Wait! You mean I can solve this problem without violence? I... I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with a solution that doesn’t end with arrows in skulls.
-You mean, another villager has fallen in love with Fastred? Klimmek, he is a decent chap with an unfortunate name and an abundance of common sense. AH! And look who just walked into the Tavern!
-Klimmek, I’ve already meet you, and this is crazy, but I … DAMN IT! I’m sorry, I got this friggin’ song stuck in my head. Anyway, I’ve heard you had a thing for Fastred and that then you didn’t.
-Look I’m a six foot tall lizard so I’m completely qualified to give you life advice, but first I need to ask you something. Do you still love her?
-Ok, so you do, so call me crazy, but maybe she should know this?
-Listen buddy, I like you so I’m going to level with ya. This is all so temporary... even more so because the world is ending in the next week or so... anyway, tell the people you love how you feel. You never know when this is all going to go away... or when they are going to turn into stone in some cavern filled with vampires...
-Damn right, you are going to tell her! Go, GO NOW! RUN KLIMMEK, RUN!
-Ok, let’s get close enough to hear what is going on but not close enough to be a distraction. What? I’m entitled to know how this ends, Punchy! And no, I don’t really care, why would I care about some stupid villagers and their stupid feelings... or how stupid this is... just sayin’.... it’s stupid.
-HA! She loves him too! How lovely! I’m so hap... I mean... whatever.
-This game needs a “Give a subtle highfive” option.
-Enjoy the rest of your lives Klimmek and Fastred. With any luck, that will be more than a week.
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| Fastred parents. Not just are they bad at parenting, but they have a bizarre drinking problem. |
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