-Hey Jord, how'd things go with the dragon you ask? Well, we meet up at the mall, first we went to H&M, big sale ya know, after that we had to get some of those giant soft pretzels because you know how crabby Punchy gets when she's hungry, then... I'M COVERED IN BLOOD AND SMELL LIKE A BAR-B-Q! HOW DO YOU THINK THINGS WENT?!
-The good news is the dragon is dead, the other good news is that you can stop paying into Bob and Tim's retirement fund.
-So I'm Thane of Whiterun now? Unless that means gold, women and power I don't care.
-Right, it means all three of those things. Well, ok then.
-I'm a little unnerved by this whole, "I thought I'd get you a little something special for killing a dragon, here's a person." thing. Even if that person is Lydia.
-Oh Punchy, Lydia may be half your age, better equipped and poured into that armor, but you know what you have that she doesn't? Facial scars.
-Actually you know why I'm sticking with Punchy? Because she chose to follow me. Lydia would always be my follower because someone forced her.
-I have just given this entire situation way too much thought. I need more wine, or less. Most likely more.
-A house costs five thousand gold? If only I hadn't bought all those iron ingots. Stupid blacksmithing.
-Fine, let's sell off this junk and see how much gold that.. oh look, this guy is selling ingots!
-How is Blacksmithing my highest skill? When did that happen? Also, didn't I have four thousand gold like a minute ago?
-Another day, another quest to go kill some bandits. I have 99 problems but a bandit is at least thirty of them.
-This is ridiculous, it's time I kill a bandit with something other than an arrow. That or I should kill them with repeated arrows to the knees. No, no that would be stupid. Time to use a spell or something. Lets see what we have here.
-What does "Raise Zombie" do?
-MUWHAHAHAHAHAHA! BEHOLD MY ZOMBIE MINION! HE WILL KILL YOUR CATTLE! STEAL YOUR FAMILY HEIRLOOMS! CRUSH YOUR... wait, why is he a pile of ashes?
-Ok, ok. How about we try lightning hands? That was fun in Bioshock, should be fun here. Wait, no, fire! Fire trumps lightning!
-What was that Mr. Bandit? I couldn't hear you over all your sizzling. Pretty sure you were saying "AARRRRGGGHHH MY SKIN" but I could be wrong.
-Ok here's the plan, Zombie you go shamble over to that corner and die a confused death. Punchy? You go stab everyone who isn't you or I. Me? I'm going to poison this arrow and send it directly into that bandit chiefs brain.
-Also, Zombie? Could you keep all that moaning to a minimum? I'm afraid it might give us away... oooorrrr you could just turn into a pile of ashes. That works too. *sigh*
-Ok, ok, steady... steady, *thwomp* Right, so that arrow in his eye seems to have upset him more than anything else, mistakes have been made!
-Also when I said it was just the chief I may have miscounted by one or four!
-FIRE! FIRE FOR ALL! HAHAHAHAHOoooh CRAP! Punchy I'm so sorry!
-Honestly I have no idea what just happened but I'm pretty sure at some point Punchy threw a dead bandit at me. Also everyone but us is dead.
-How did this giant animal carcass get to the bottom of the cavern? Were these guys building a mammoth down here?
-Wait, what are we here for again? Right, stolen do-dad-thingy. Another day, another cave, another pile of dead bandits. I'm starting to think we're getting the hang of this.
Punchy and Lydia, the choice is pretty damn obvious. PUNCHY 4 LIFE!
I'm happy that you stuck with Punchy....unlike that coat that you carelessly discarded years ago...you have clearly learned some valuable lessons since then
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