-Did it involve talking animals? Nope. Something involving the Talmors? Maybe? Library books overdue? YE... no.
-Astrid! I killed Astrid! I was suppose to tell people, send out a newsletter or something.
-Hello city guard, wait, no I don’t care about your knee, I need to tell you that.... yes, I know, it would be great if I conjured you a bed, and no, I haven’t heard that request two hundred times, I.. SHUT UP AND LISTEN! I KILLED ASTRID!
-.... I’m not sure if bragging to you about murder was the best idea.
-Oh good! You’re happy I killed her! I’m happy you’re happy! It’s amazing how a simple murder can bring two strangers together in happiness.
-I don’t see any harm in informing some imperials about my handy work. It’s not like this is a trap, I mean, it doesn’t feel like a trap... MY GOD THAT MEANS IT IS MOST POSSIBLY A TRAP! I am completely uncertainly sure about this!
-Listen guys, we are going to walk into this little cabin and talk to Commander Maro, if he so much as blinks at odd intervals we drop him where he stands. I don’t trust the imperials, especially when it comes to claiming a reward for murder.
-Even if it was JUSTIFIED murder, which is was. Don’t give me that look Meeko, you’re a dog, you don’t get to judge.
-Maro, you can’t be serious, Astrid was the leader of the most powerful society of murderers in all of Skyrim? Really? That’s like being the fattest guy at a Texas chili cook-off.
-Also, have you gone outside recently Maro? I don’t mean to ruin your perception of Skyrim but every citizen of Skyrim has either killed a man, been killed by a man or is in the middle of killing a man while he kills him back. Honestly I’m surprised the horses aren’t eating each other.
-Maro, you are an odd man who seems to live in a fairy tale and that is why I’m willing to murder even more people to help preserve your idealized Skyrim.
-Besides, justified murder is my favorite thing... no wait, pizza, pizza is my favorite thing, then wine... I’m also pretty fond of Punchy here. Hmm, let’s just say justified murder is in my top ten of favorite things.
-Right, so Maro gave us the code words to enter the Brotherhood’s secret lair, “Silence, my brother”. As code words go, I have to admit, that one is pretty awesome.
-Maybe I can teach my children not to answer the door unless they hear that phrase? I mean, future therapist are going to need work.
-Well, this is the place, I guess I just knock on the door and OH MY GOD THE DOOR SPEAKS! Geez, I must be losing my touch, I should be long past the point of being surprised by talking things.
-Door, you may be pure evil but that is one marketable voice you got there.
-Listen team, I’m about to enter the second most wretched hive of scum and villainy. I’ve given this some thought, If I don’t come back I want you to go find that mammoth and follow him.
-Ok, here we go, wish me luck.
-*Ten disappointing minutes later*
-THAT’S IT?! Those were the lug-nuts that were responsible for a vast majority of the murders in Skyrim?! My god, I wish I had known they were made out of paper, I would have worked on my two-handed skill when I killed them.
-That one lady with the spider at least NOTICED I was up to something, but I’m telling you Punchy, if you go look around in there you’re going to find a bunch of corpses in the seated position with a single arrow in their skulls.
-I should add, they are all naked. How I managed to undress them and keep them seated is a disturbing mystery to me.
-You know what? I’m outraged! I can’t believe Astrid made that gaggle of two-bit thugs seem sexy. God! I wasted perfectly good arrows on them!
-Whatever, time to move on and find an enemy worthy of my time and arrows.
Just sitting back and enjoying the afterlife.
Totally agree. Same thing happened to me. I kept waiting for something "big" to happen. Nothing ever did. Had more trouble with draugur deathlords
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