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Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Day Seventeen in Skyrim: Delphine the Horn Thief

-DEAR RESIDENCES OF THIS CRYPT! PLEASE GET YOUR AFFAIRS IN ORDER BEFORE WE ENTER YOUR ROOM. THANK YOU.

-Damn, the one thing sure to slow my squad down, a single trapped floor tile.

-Listen, guys, any chance we can all avoid stepping on this thing? I know some of you have more than two legs but I think we can do this.

-GET OFF THE DAMN FIRE TRAP! ALL OF YOU!

-This is like trying to herd cats! Please! Just stay close to me and if you notice that you’re on fire, DO SOMETHING!

-CONTINUING TO STAND IN THE FIRE IS NOT "SOMETHING"! For crying out loud, Meeko! Please! I’ve seen dinner cook for less time!

-Seriously, I’m never going to get the smell of burning dog hair out of my armor.

-Oh, this is way too many coffins. *sigh*

-Ok, I’m going to take one more step into this room at which point all hell will break loose. Of course I’m referring to myself, so just try to keep up.

-Look at those coffin lids fly! Bring it you undead savages! I have enough arrows, dogs, daedras and nords for all of you!

-Punchy, if it moves and its not a dog or a lizard kill it!

-Don’t even bother getting out of your coffin buddy! *thwomp* or you! *thwomp* YOU EITHER! *thwomp* I CAN DO THIS ALL DAMN DAY BITCHES!

-One left aannndd he is overrun with dogs, guys! Don’t eat that, It can't possibly be healthy.

-Now to claim our prize.... this letter? WHAT?! I came here for a horn not a post-it note!

-Hmm, the letter says if we want the horn we have to meet our “friend” in a rented room in the Riverwood inn. I have to say, that is a pretty suspect sentence if you read it a certain way.

-Yes, hello there, I would like to rent your “special” room... I... uh... have a friend... umm.. meeting me here?

-This game needs a *wink awkwardly at the inn keeper* option.

- Delphine the inn keeper? You're the “friend”, how did..? but you..? You are secretly a bad-ass aren’t you?

-And you have a secret underground base? I think you’re my new hero.

-So the Santorums (read: Thalmors) are behind the re-emergence dragons? I am so relieved my undue hatred for them was totally justified.

-So they are bringing dragons back from the dead in the hopes of social and political gain, huh. A plan so crazy only an evil genius would consider it.

-Or an idiot.

-Wait, wait, wait... you want me to go check on a dragon grave with you? Despite what you just told me? Either you’re a lunatic or a hero. I have a feeling we are going to get along just fine.

-Right, you guys heard the lady, we have a very large grave to refill.


The clean up after a big battle is both difficult and disturbing.

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