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Monday, February 13, 2012

Day Three in Skyrim: Punchy the Brave

-I swear I don't even remember finding this dragon stone, I suppose I should deliver it to... whats-his-name.

-A dragon is here? This calls for immediate conversation!

-Hey Jord buddy, I don't mean to ruin your day but your plan of sending seven of us to stop a dragon might not be the best idea I've heard today.

-Listen! This thing killed a CITY! an ARMED city! How the hell is "send seven of our most moderately trained warriors" plan "A"?! What the hell is plan "B"? Capture the dragon in a net woven from our intestines?

-Look, I'm a bipedal lizard with no formal education and even I know your plan is an idiot, I'm none too fond of you either Mister.

-Love the pep talk Miss Dark Elf, I'll make sure they transcribe it on your tombstone after we all get cooked in our armor.

-One of these guards is certain we are all going to die, I dub thee "Tim the Observant".

-I... I heard something. A big something. Wait, you want us to split up and find it? Have you EVER seen a horror movie?! Should I just cover Punchy here with Bar-B-Q sauce and be done with it?

-Not to mention we're not looking for a contact lens here, we're looking for a dragon. I'm pretty sure he's going to find us.

-Oh. My. God. RUN PUNCHY! RUN FOR THE TOWER! Forget Bob! He was dead the second we left the city gates!

-Also, forget Tim!

-Must poison my arrows, ALL the arrows, must fire ALL the arrows!

-FROM HELLS HEART I STAB AT THEE!!! I hit him! He bleeds!

-Screw this tower! I need no safety! I hav... OH GOD IT BURNS! I'M ON SO MUCH FIRE! AM I MADE OUT OF STRAW?!?

-DRINK ALL THE HEALTH POTIONS!

-Ok, going to hide here, one second, tower is safe for us... Punchy? Punchy? PUNCHY!

-You marvelous idiot! Come back here!

-Step away from Punchy you son of a bitch! COME AT ME BRO!

-*Dragon thirty yards away* This arrow is for Bob!

-*Dragon is twenty yards away* This one is for Tim!

-*Dragon is ten yards away* This one is for hurting Punchy!

-*Dragon is no more then five feet away from me* - This one is for.. OH GOD PLEASE DIE!

-He's... dead? DEAD?! HOLY CRAP! HAHAHAHAHA! Let's see what he has! Why does this dragon have a full armor set in his stomach? Oh, right. Poor Bob. Poor, poor Bob.

-Whoa! The dragon death animation is more awesome than a bandit taking an arrow to the neck. Just awesome.

-Wait, ya'll surprised I might be a dragonborn? I'm serious, have any of you looked at me? My tail? My scales?! My giant lizard face?

-I'm really sorry, but you should have asked me to turn away from you before you asked me to see what happens when I shout. I'm totally new to this!

-When do I get to shout FOR-RA-DAH?

-Punchy don't ever run off like that again! I don't know what I would do if you died. Most likely I'd reload my last save game, but still!

-Aren't you wondering where I got all the Whiterun armor from mister Whiterun merchant? I mean, this one has "Tim" written on the collar.

1 comment:

  1. nicely done. You and Punchy must be very proud of yourselves.

    ReplyDelete