Day Nine in Skyrim: Any Enemy of the Empire... (Part 1 of 2)

-Hello inn keeper, would I like some food? Oh I couldn’t, I just absorbed an entire dragon an hour ago, I’m still pretty full. Just a room please.

-What better way to start a make believe day than with make-believe blacksmithing and real wine.

-I truly missed Whiterun, just a nice quiet town with two large warring families and the occasional dragon attack, it’s pretty much a retirement community when you think about it.

-Look, I’ve had what you could call a long day, how about you Battle-borns stop harassing this old lady about her missing son and I promise not to steal any of your major organs.

-Also, who does that? Even villains from a Bond movie would say that’s a bit over the top.

-You want to talk about your missing son later? I suppose I could cancel my three o’clock with Johnson from accounting.

-Whoa! Easy with the axe pal, your mother invited me into your house! This might be why your mailman no longer delivers your packages. Just a thought.

-What makes me qualified to help? Well if you look at my resume you’ll see I’m proficient at excel and powerpoint. I’m also certified as A GODDAMN DRAGON SLAYER!

-Look, I can talk to the guards and get your brother out of the prison. This will be even easier than finding a talking dog, you stay here and don’t worry.

-Just to be clear, you understand when I say “talk” I mean, “hit with bi-jillions of arrows.”, right?

-Just once, I wish that someone would be spirited away to a quaint beachfront community. But no, it’s always some frozen nightmare of a place.

-How did this glass of wine become so empty? Better fix that.

-Heavily armed, high walls and in the middle of absolutely nowhere. Looks like we found the place.

-Yeah, hi. I know you don’t know me and I don’t know you, but it appears you have a friend of mine, or should I say, a friend of a friend. Wait, that’s not true either, let’s start again.

-It appears you have the brother of a man who threatened me with an axe in your prison, any chance I could have him?

-No sir, I don’t have any papers for his release.. unless by papers you mean a bribe? I’m sorry, I’m a simple swamp lizard I might be missing the point of what it is you're looking for.

-Let’s not get all upset! No need to threaten me and my little party here. We’ll just go, no need to get all the guards involved. We’ll be on our way, you have a great day!

-This game needs a *Give Punchy the “you know what to do” nod*.

** TO BE CONTINUED**

Isolated and alone, suddenly I'm reminded of high school.