-I wonder what the folks in Falkreath are up to? Whatever it is, I'm sure it's depressing. Maybe I can cheer them up by killing something.
-Escaped Vampire you say? In the mountains you say? Certain to have found a coven you say? I'm sorry, but I have to tell you this is the most miserable place I have ever visited and remember, I've been to New Jersey.
-Let's see, he's marked the vampire's den on my map, apparently it's on the same mountain as a dragon, convenient, sorta.
-Potions? Check. Every ingot in town purchased and processed into daggers? Check. Still not a vampire? Check. Looks like everything is in order.
-An abandoned wagon on the side of the road? This must belong to someone. Hmm, wonder if the owner is hiding in that tower.
-Is that tree looking at me funny? Wait, that thought isn't right! What the hell is that thing?! AAAAHHH!
-Ok, not sure why but that tree-elf-nightmare thing REALLY freaked me out. Time to move on, besides, I'm pretty sure I know what happened to the owner of that cart.
-A house? On the same mountain as a dragon, a vampire den and whatever the hell was living in that tower? I've played enough video games to call shenanigans on this.
-The door is locked, did I say locked? I meant to say lock-picking is awesome.
-Anyone home? If you're just a humble farmer, just trying to get by in a harsh world, I'm really sorry about your door.
-Snuggleface! What's downstairs? Are you killing a humble farmer!? Come back here! Oh thank god, it was just another bandit... with a note.
-Hmm, the note mentions bandits, threats, death, traps and treasure. I choose to ignore all but one of those words.
-You know what's more interesting than notes? Big shiny candy-like buttons.
-A secret tunnel hidden behind a bookcase? How quaint!
-So Skyrim has so many bandits that they've had to resort to storing spare ones in this underground city?
-This slow motion arrowing perk has made my long distance eye surgeries soooo much easier.
-On the one hand arrowing a sleeping bandit seems unethical, on the other hand it's a golden opportunity to make a witty action-hero-esque quip.
-*thwomp*,Sweet dreams mister bandit. *sigh* I'm such a slave to my whims.
-I hear voices, lots of voices and they are getting closer.
-Whhoooaaa, that's a lot of bandits, did I interrupt a convention?!
-What do you call a giant group of bandits? A bunch? A band? A gaggle? I think this constitutes a gaggle of bandits.
-If I've learned nothing else from fighting gaggles of things, and I haven't, you must protect your back, which is why I'm wedging myself in the door-frame.
-To paraphrase one of my heroes, you may think I'm trapped in here with you, but you're trapped in here with me.
-and Punchy
-and my dog, actually It really is a group effort on our part.
-So much biting and stabbing and arrowing! What a great day to be alive!
-Yep, taking everything these guys had. Not because I need it, but because I want the next person that comes by here to think these guys died in the mists of the most horrifying orgy in the history of everything.
-I'll be damned, there IS a conference table in the next room. Wait, really? Were they discussing the third quarter profit reports? I need an explanation here.
This was such a nice lakeside town till that gaggle of bandits moved in next store.
That is one hell of a creep-tastic quote from your hero up there...I take it this is also something you live by...why am I not surprised by this?
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