Day Five in Skyrim: Cursed Rings and Other Complications

-Look tiny child, when you run up to me unprovoked and inform me that your not afraid of me that means you ARE afraid of me.

-Also, I'm going to sneak into your house at night and eat you.

-"You don't know a woman till you've had a strong drink and a fist fight with her." - Punchy.

-I love you so much you big drunken hooligan! This game needs a "Get completely trashed and start a barroom brawl with Punchy" menu option.

-Greetings fine forging lady, I'll take all the ingots you have, after all I'm rich with dead bandit gold!

-Greetings fine forging lady, would you be interested in purchasing twenty of these freshly crafted iron daggers?

-What do you mean I can't afford anymore iron ingots?!

-Welcome to Falkreath, our major exports are wheat and crippling depression.

-I've been here five minutes and I've been given a quest for killing more bandits, the ashes of of someones dear friend, the explanation for why everyone here is sad and a story about a child being murdered. Remind me to never let you folks get into the gift basket business.

-You don't suppose all these gravestones have anything to do with the general sense of misery around here, do you?

-I don't care how sorry you are, you killed an innocent unarmed person you shirtless yokel. Yeah yeah, it's all the rings fault, you have any idea how many times I've heard that excuse?

-Fine, give me the ring, I'll take care of this. Wait, it's cursed? Wait, it's now equipped?! Wait! I can't un-equip it?!? Son of a...

-I don't mean to alarm anyone but your prisoner just turned into a giant dog and escaped out the roof. Also I might turn into a giant dog myself at any moment. Also, I would like to suggest that any and all tour groups just skip this town entirely.

-I must find a cure, the giant white elk that lives in the woods will fix my werewolf-itis. Wow, I can't believe I just said those words in that particular order.

-This elk won't talk, am I suppose to kill it? I don't want to get stuck with this ring. Wait, was I expecting this elk to talk? I'm not even sure if that's crazy or not.

-Ok Elk, Arrow to the face it is, I think you had this coming...? I, wait, or maybe I'm doing this wrong? The hell with it! Arrows away!

-Well that was pointless now all I have is this dead elk and.. AH! TALKING GHOST ELK!

-Right so the ghost elk just sent me to go get the skin of the werewolf that just jumped bail back in town. I tell ya Punchy, each day is just another paint-by-numbers event for us isn't it?

-Why does this cave have a giant red carpet? Wait, tell me those are human shaped throw pillows.

-This catman just said something ominous then died. I really should have been paying attention but I was distracted by all the bodies, I mean.. my god.

-Going to take this niiice and slow. Maybe we can sneak up on him and... *sigh* I'm guessing that's not a werewolf statue we're standing under is it?

-Go, go, go! Is that screaming? Who is screaming? Also, I don't like that crunching noise I'm hearing. Well, at least the screaming stopped.... oh, right.

-You're out of road and out of people to kill. I'm not even going to give you the honor of an arrowing, I'm going to cut you apart with my axe you murdering savage.

-There it's over, I'm not thrilled with having to skin a humanoid but I guess that it's better than being a werewolf and ending up like this idiot. Here ya go angry looking old ghost guy, just take the skin, take the ring, and leave us be.

-This game needs a "Receive a reassuring pat on the shoulder from Punchy." menu option.

Here we are trying to sneak away from Falkreath and all it's misery. We failed.