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Monday, March 5, 2012

Day Twelve: A Simple Plan

-I remember when I could look at my entire quest journal without using the scroll bar.

-Right, we need to start doubling up on these things, lets see.. lets see.... AH! Here we go! A dragon and a giant, both need to be killed and both are in basically the same location, what convenience!

-Oooh, I just had the most glorious idea! Punchy, just hear me out, wait, don’t give me that look!

-I’ll peg the dragon with an arrow and then run through the giant camp and let them fight it out! It’s as simple as hitting a hornets nest and running past my mother-in-law.

-[Dear Mother-in-law, on the off chance that you are reading this please understand that I am not referring to you, but to another woman who I have taken to calling “mother-in-law”, I can understand your confusion and I hope this does not result in any hard feelings. Thank you.]

-Okay... okay, arrow back... make sure the giant is really close.... focus on dragon aaannddd arrow flies.

-Tagged him! Now the easy part, running past an angry fifteen foot tall man with a club the size of a pony.

-Why does this plan seem less brilliant than it did before I fired the arrow?

-Ha! Made it! and now the dragon and the giant are battling it out!

-Hahaha! and now a Mammoth joined in! and a wolf?! Oh he is so doomed! Hahaha!

-And... another mammoth! Hahaha...ha? and another giant? Wait... and a bear?! Where the hell did the bear come from? WE AREN’T IN A CAVE!

-Oh for crying... AND SOME RANDOM GUY FROM THE ROAD!?

-This isn’t my plan! This is a pay per view event! DAMN IT!

-Punchy, did you just roll your eyes at me?

-Well, as long as the dragon can hold it’s own we are fine, no reason to panic...wait, where did I just absorb that dragon soul from? Oh. God. Damn it.

-RUUUUUNNNNNNN!!!

-OhmygodohmygodOHMYGOD! Why do I see giants everywhere I look?! HOW CAN I BE SURROUNDED BY TWO OF SOMETHING!?

-Wait! Paralyzing arrows! I have those! Wonder if they work on giants? OOOF! MY SPINE!

-I’ve lost Punchy and Snuggleface in the fog of battle. The only proof I have that they are alive is the sounds of them fighting the mammoths but they are out of my field of vision all I can see is the dust kicked into the air from the last swing of the giant’s club. As my life points are being beat out of me I place the paralyzing poison on my arrow, draw it back and aim at the spot where I hope the giant is standing.

-TIMBER! No! *thwomp* You’re *thwomp* not *thwomp* getting *thwomp* back *thwomp* UP!

-Hey! You there! Quit trampling my woman!

-I’ve got more than enough paralyzing arrows to go around! Just hold still and.. OH GOD THE BEAR IS EATING ME!

-AH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!? Bears don’t help mammoths! THIS ISN’T HOW NATURE WORKS!!

-I don’t have time for this! *SLASH* Now if you’ll excuse me I have a Nord to save!

-Come on Punchy, Don’t be dead, don’t be dead, don’t be dead... YOU’RE NOT DEAD! Life would be empty without you! Healing Hands go! You show that mammoth!

-One mammoth left! Just gotta bring him down aaannnddd... my plan was a brilliant success!

-Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m going to lay down here for a bit.

-Please don’t let me swallow my own tongue.



See! Brilliant!

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