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Monday, February 13, 2012

Day One in Skyrim: Beheadings and a Dragon, and Other Overly Dramatic Statements

This blog will chronicle my thoughts as I play through Skyrim. Please keep the following in mind:

1)When gaming I do enjoy an occasional glass of wine. Occasionally.

2)I have a very hard time NOT thinking for any substantial period of time. This makes me very bad at meditation but (hopefully) good at writing a blog that requires the documentation of many random thoughts.

3)I tend to really get into games like these, to the point of moving my ACTUAL head to dodge incoming objects and talking to myself about what is happening on screen AS IF IT WERE REALLY HAPPENING. I know, I know, very sane behavior. Anywho, welcome aboard! let's begin.

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-So I get to choose between being a human or some sort or of bipedal dragon? I don't even think this is a choice really.

-I want a face that says, "I've seen the gates of hell." while at the same time says, "All the two legged dragon ladies love me."

-I wish people were dancing, that would really brighten up this execution.

-Dragon! No really I got this guys, I'm just laying on the ground with my hands tied. Really, I'm fine, go save yourselves. BASTARDS!

-I want loot these bodies! What do you mean my hands are bound?! I HAVE A DRAGON HEAD I WANT TO GNAW THROUGH MY ROPES! What button do I press to gnaw things??

-The guy keeping me alive from the dragon is the same guy that sent me to the executioners block five minutes ago. I have very mixed feelings about this man.

-The only hero in this mess is a tool of the Imperials, meanwhile the rebels are running around saving their own ass leaving children in harms way. Moral ambiguity thy name is Skyrim.

-This women just bet me one hundred gold that I couldn't knock her out with my fists, which of course I did. As a result she is now willing to be my follower. I am entirely certain I do not understand what just happened.

-Her name is hard to pronounce so I'm just going to call her Punchy.

-Took me all of fifteen minutes before someone sent me off to some god forsaken tomb to find some golden animal part. When will people learn to guard limbs made out of precious metals?

-Four out of every five mummies that appears to be dead is actually dead. The fifth really takes advantage of the mathematical likely hood that you're going to skip over to him with your weapon not in hand.

-Who is calling for help? Is it the spider? Does the spider have human vocal cords?! Why.. OH GOD IT SEES ME! KILL IT PUNCHY! KILL IT WITH YOUR FEEBLE HANDS!

-So this thief was calling for help, and as soon as I save him from the spider he runs off, bastard!

-I bet you didn't think I would plant that arrow in the back of your head from twelve yards out and on the run, did you? Try calling for help now! I bet it would come out like, "Huuuuuuuurrp!".

-Punchy looks nervous and on edge, she looks like she needs a reassuring hug but the menu interface prevents this.

-Large empty room with a treasure box and two coffins. Yep, nothing to be worried about here.

-First you slither out of your coffin then you start screaming spells at Punchy?! Do I even know you?! What the hell dude?!? Prepare for an arrow induced speech impediment!

-Punchy crushed his torso bringing him to his knees, while trying to get back up I launched an arrow into his neck sending his lifeless body tumbling over the edge. That have been the most awesome thing ever.

-There needs to be a "High five then chest bump" option for interacting with Punchy.


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