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Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Day Ten in Skyrim: Honesty is Such a Lonely Word

-Welcome to scenic Markarth, our major exports are staggering amounts of corruption and MIND YOUR OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS!

-I’ve been here exactly five seconds and I’ve seen a woman killed in the street. Even Detroit can’t boast that kind of speedy crime rate.

-I’ve watched so many episodes of “Law & Order” that I’m considered an Attorney General in several of the smaller European countries. Don’t worry guys, I got this.

-Note? I didn’t drop this note, you did! OOOOHH! Right! I’m sorry. Don’t mind me, city guard. I just need to pick up my note at that guy's feet, that I totally had in my hand and is totally mine and no I’m not suspicious in my actions at all.

-The note says that he wants to meet in a tavern and talk. Either he has information on this murder or I’m about to go on the most awkward date of my life.

-Eltrys, he is a simple man, but he knows what is going on in this corrupt city. Apparently the “Forsworn” are at war with the Nords and the empire and they have taken the battle to the streets. Eltrys needs help. Also, he isn’t into Argonians.

-Well, it only took two charges of breaking and entering but I’ve found out that the murderer was taking his orders from a “Madanach,” who happens to already be in prison. Since I’m a totally sane and rational person, the next obvious step is to break into prison.

-What do you mean you won’t let me enter your prison? All I want to do is some very innocent interrogation and MAYBE some murdering. I don’t see what the big deal is.

-The city guards? Corrupt. The prison wardens? Corrupt. That guy who sold me some meat? Corrupt. Some guy who wants my help breaking into a house? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU!

-So I’m being a pest am I Mr. Corrupt City Guard? GOOD! That means I’m doing the right thing! Something everyone in the damn town is unfamiliar with! Savages.

-Hmm, now that I’ve reread the murder’s journal it appears he received his orders from a “Mr. N”, this town has a Mr. Nepos. Perhaps it’s time for a little house call?

-Ok Punchy, we go in weapons drawn but let’s be casual about it.... which, I think is possible? Whatever, my “subtlety” may be lacking, but my “face-arrowing” skill is top shelf.

-Ha! Don’t even attempt to intimidate me! I know damn well who you are! You’re a two bit thug taking his orders from a one bit thug.

-"My dear boy, I'm sorry, you're not leaving here alive." - Mr. Napos. First, I was going to say that to you.. Second, that sounds like a challenge.

-CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

-Napos is dead before he can get out of his chair, the force of my arrow ensures this. Two more Forsworn charge the room, I draw my arrow on the first to enter my field of vision but my arrow goes astray when the second Forsworn blindsides me ruining my aim.

-Punchy returns the favor and sends him to his knees. I right myself, draw back my shot and, with a single arrow, end the first targets digital life. Before I can draw another arrow from my quiver Punchy has finished off the second combatant.

-I guess I should tell Eltrys that Napos is dead; that his city is marginally safer than it was.

-I have paid back all the murdering with even more murdering. I can see all those years of catholic schooling have really paid off.

Not pictured: An honest citizen

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