-Before I left Paarthurnax he mentioned that I should swing by Dragonsreach. Apparently the place was built for one purpose, to house the most lazy Jarl in all the lands. Well, that and dragon catching.
-I’ve been to Dragonsreach a few times and the entire place looks an awful lot like an ordinary building. No giant nets, secret catapults or suspicious magical columns. So, unless the entire place can transform into a giant dragon fighting robot, I don’t think I understand how this all works.
-Jarl Balgruuf! Your children are still spoiled monsters, I trust?
-Sadly this isn’t a social visit, I heard a crazy rumor that this place was built to catch dragons. How crazy is that, right?
-Wait, it IS? Seriously?! Hey, so crazy question… WHY HAS THIS NEVER BEEN MENTIONED BEFORE?!
-This countryside has more dragons than cows and you never thought to mention THIS PLACE COULD TRAP DRAGONS?! What were you waiting for?! Trivia night?!
-You know what? I’m not going to let this bother me. EVEN THOUGH IT REALLY SHOULD!
-Listen, I need a favor. So I have this plan. It involves catching an enormous flying lizard at Dragonreach, in the hopes of luring an even larger and more violent flying lizard out of hiding? Sounds brilliant, right?
-Listen, I know I’m asking for a lot here, but either we lure Alduin here on our terms or he shows up the old fashioned way. Uninvited and hungry.
-Fine, you don’t want the Stormcloaks barging in here while you have a dragon in your guest house and you want the Greybeards to moderate a ceasefire. I guess this is fine.
-I mean, I don’t trust the Greybeards and the Stormcloaks seem to really enjoy being offended by everyone while also being wildly racist, so this should go smoothly.
-I’m trying to think of a situation that could be worse than two warring factions, two dragons and a mountain worth of crazy old men. I swear to Mara I can’t think of one.
-I guess some bears could show up too? That would be kinda worse.
-*One Fast Travel to The Throat of the World*
-Arngeir, I trust everything here is still… really creepy?
-Look, we need your help. And when I say “we” I mean everyone not living on this mountain.
-Oh, so you don’t want to involve yourself? Really? You want to know what the people down there are dealing with? Alduin, War and an unbelievable bandit problem.
-But you want to know the biggest problem they have? Some stubborn old men living on a mountain refusing to help save the world.
20-Oh, you’ll help? Huh, maybe I am better at negotiating than I give myself credit for. I guess I only have one person left to talk too…
-*More fast traveling, this time to Windhelm*
-Ulfric, still surrounding yourself with the scariest yes-men this side of Tamriel?
-Let me summarize, we kinda need you to be a little less Ulfric’ish for a week or so, okay?
-The Greybeards are willing to negotiate a cease fire, which is kind of a big deal, can we count on your co-operation? Yes? YES! I’M SO GOOD AT THIS!
-Punchy, bask in the glow that is my magnificent charm!
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| If you are a Nord AND a jerk, you live here. |
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