Return to Skyrim Day 22: Christer and His Departed Wife

-My list of problems is pretty ridiculous right now.

-Dragons, War, Jarls, and the worst one. Atrophy.

-I haven’t killed a man in days. How could I let this happen?

-Let’s be honest, I will never be as good at anything else as I am at killing things.

-Time to find an empty spot on the map and wander around till I find something to pierce with pointy sticks.

-Ah! The great outdoors! Filled with marshes, bears, mammoths… actually this is awful. I’m going back home.

-Wait, what’s that? An abandoned fort? How exciting!

-Abandoned forts attract bandits the same way blogs attract writers desperate for attention.

-Hello? Anyone home? *Thwomp* Anyone besides that guy?

-Here we go! The welcoming committee! I hope you guys brought party favors.

-Because I did. *Thwomp* *Thwomp* And… OW! Did you just hit me with an arrow?! My god that hurts! Is that what this feels like?! AH! WHY DOES THIS HURT SO MUCH?!?

-Punchy? Since when are you an archer?! WHY IS EVERYONE HERE AN ARCHER?!

-Listen! We can’t all run around being archers! That’s MY thing!

-I’M A SPECIAL LITTLE SNOWFLAKE DAMN IT! *Thwomp*

-Nice shooting by the way, Punchy. Just when I think I know everything about you…

-Well, let’s see what these bandits were guarding so vigorously.

-Hmm, in the first room we have a middle aged male peasant? I… I’m sorta disappointed.

-Sir, please don’t take it personally, but you are the most disappointing treasure I have ever found.

-So you are here looking for your wife. Well that explains a few things. Sorta.

-You wait here, Christer, if you wife Fjola is here we’ll find her.  

-Well, Punchy, time to put on the corpse handling gloves. No way she's alive in this awful place.

-But maybe we can give this guy some closure… and I can get some more target practice.

-Oh look, more archers!

-*Thwomp* *HACK*  Looks like we are back down to one archer, me! I INTEND TO KEEP IT THIS WAY!

-Ah, much better! An angry mage!

-I have to admit, sometimes I wish I had focused on learning to throw lightning and fire. *Thwomp* *THWOMP* Not at this exact moment, of course. But sometimes.

-Nearly at the top now. If his wife is here it looks like the Bandit Leader is keeping her under lock and key. Maybe she is alive after all! Let’s fill this guy's skull with arrows, take his key, free his hostage and get the heck out of here.

-Would you look at that, this bandit group is led by a woman. Good for her, getting a managerial job in a field as sexist as thievery.

-Ma’am? Yes, hello! I don’t normally stop to talk to people I’m planning on killing, but this seems like a pretty unique situation. I’m here looking for a woman named Fjora. Maybe you can tell where she is and we can skip all this nastiness of trying to kill each other.

-You’re Fjora?

-.....

-YOU’RE FJORA?!

-Well, this is an interesting problem. I mean, generally I make a habit of killing Bandit leaders, but I was sent here to rescue you…. from yourself, apparently.

-Look, I get it, the life of a farmers wife is 50% boring and 50% trying not to get killed by dragons. But don’t you think this is a bit extreme?

-Not to mention, what do you want me to tell your husband? The poor bastard risked his life sneaking into this place.

-I… I guess I can tell him you’ve died. I’ll be right back.

-Christer… I have some bad news. Your wife, Fjora… the woman you loved is gone. I’m sorry.

-I found her ring though. Here, take it. Leave this place and never look back.

-I don’t know if that was the right thing to do. That felt wrong.

-Fjora! I won’t kill you, but you owe me. I’ll return one day and this debt will be settled.

-I came here to kill people and all I did was break a man’s heart.

-*Sigh* I should have just fought another dragon on a mountainside.

Fjora. Clearly I have a soft spot for tough female Nords.