-Today is the day I do something new and exciting and really live on the edge... and I don’t mean fight a dragon on a mountain side. That would just be silly.
-Today I’m going to make friends with an orc.
-Urag! My favorite literate orc! What would make your day a bit brighter? You want me to find another book? Sure seems like you got quite a few of those already but anything to see you smile… or, you know, scowl a bit less.
-Huh, it’s not that far away, in fact according to the map I’ve already cleared that area, this will be as easy as.. um… picking up a book.
-Hmm, this place look familiar… and kinda high up. Wait. WAIT… this is a mountain side isn’t it?
-Well, as long as there aren’t any dragons. Lucky for me this place only has this one giant bat. Wait a minute.
-God. Damn. This. MOUNTAIN!
-Foreshadowing, my old nemesis, we meet again!
-Fine! I’m going to have to do this the hard way. EVERYTHING I DO HAS TO BE DONE THE HARD WAY AND I’M STARTING TO TAKE IT PERSONALLY!
-Damnation! Why is an Ancient Dragon guarding an overdue library book?! Wouldn’t a lock have been sufficient?! Who decided this?!?
-Listen buddy, I just need a book from that box over there, I’ll leave the gold! Maybe you can just let me… WHY MUST I BE SO FLAMMABLE! A simple no would have sufficed!
-You know what? If I’m going to be honest here, and I really try to avoid that whenever possible, I’m kinda glad you’re here and I’m even more glad you’re a jerk. You want to know a little secret?
-I’ve been itching for a fight.
-*Thwomp* *Thwomp* Hey! Guess who hasn’t lost his touch after a year? *Thwomp*
-Guess who also still has problems sidestepping torrents of fire? WWWAAAAHH!
-Can’t see a damn thing! APPARENTLY MY EYES ARE ON FIRE!
-*I can see nothing but flames, However I can hear the Ancient coming back around for a second pass but instead of trying to hit me he tumbles out of the sky. Behind him is Punchy*
-Punchy! You magnificent mad woman! How the hell did you pull him out of the sky?!
-I got it from here! Probably.
-You want to know what’s worst than trying to fight an Argonian? Trying to fight an Argonian that is actively on fire!
20-What the hell! Is your saliva made out of Napalm?! Why am I still on fire?! I DON’T UNDERSTAND!
-That’s it! I’m going to hack my way into your skull and find where you’re hiding the lighter fluid.
-*Hack* If you had just let me take the book! *Slash* Everything would have been so much easier! *HACK*
-I’d still be blissfully not on fire *SLASH* And you would still have use of your cerebral cortex! *HACK*
-*HACK* ...Just to be certain.
-There we go, we have the Insights of Shalidors that Urag wanted. But, before we drop it off, I think it’s time we take care of another bit of paper with words scrawled on it.
25-Let’s go see what Paarthurnax makes of the Elder Scrolls.
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| Dragon Rodeo Champion of 2014 |
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