-Savos Aren! Listen, so Talfor’s class trip proved a little more doom-tastic than hoped.
-Well, I wandered off and wound up trapped in a tiny room, while I was panicking heroically Talfor figured out a way to free me, then right before the zombies attacked, while everyone else was frozen in time of course, a ghost appeared and warned me about some sort of disaster THEN we found a giant blue Orb that was guarded by the most arrow-proof zombie I’ve ever seen, after that I ran here to find you.
-Trust me, it didn’t make any more sense when it was happening either.
-Are you just sending me to the librarian because you don’t want to deal with this? I feel like that is what’s happening here.
-Urag Gro-Shub! Savos said you might be able to help. Any chance you have a book about giant orbs foretold in disaster prophecies??
-Of course you do! I was crazy to doubt you. Apparently.
-What do you mean someone stole it? My tax gold goes to funding this library... I assume... and some jerk went and stole the one book I wanted to read!? Who is he and why am I not killing him right now?
-So Orthorn stole books to impress some wizards that were expelled from Hogwarts... I mean, Winterhold?
-Exactly how insanely evil do you need to be to get kicked out of here? I mean, have you talked to that cat man in my magic class? I’m pretty sure he is using puppy tears as a spell reagent.
-Well, don’t worry Urag, I’ll get your books back...
-*Doing my best Arnold Schwarzenegger* It’s time to let them know their books are overdue. Wait, hold on... OVA DOO. There we go, that’s it.
-Even for a abandoned fort this place is dilapidated, the towers are crooked, there is junk everywhere and that guy throwing fire at me is wearing a robe that is SO last season.
-Hey! Don’t throw fire at my horse! MUFFINS, NOOOO!!!
-No one sets my horse on fire but me! And even then it’s still wrong!
-We’ve been here less than two minutes and we already have a pile a dead summoners and one horse with a refreshed phobia of fire.
-These jokers have prisoners?! Why didn’t Urag mention that? Don’t worry ladies, I’ll have this lock opened faster than you can say...
-HOLY CRAP YOU’RE ALL VAMPIRES! STAY BACK! I’M ARMED AND...
-I SHOT HER! I SHOT AN ARROW RIGHT INTO HER STUPID VAMPIRE FACE!
-That was a complete accident, I swear! I just wanted her to keep away from my neck, I didn’t mean to kill her!
-Maybe she was friendly, maybe I could have helped bridge the gap between vampire and lizard kind. Wait, did that other caged vampire just call me a “meat bag”?!
-From now on, the phrase, “Like shooting fish in a barrel” will be replaced with, “Like shooting arrows into caged vampires.”
-Wow, another vampire in a tiny cage. How gothic do you have to be to decorate with living vampires?
-Oh look who we found all caged up like the big dumb animal he is! So I take it your new friends weren’t impressed with the books eh, Orthorn?
-Free you? WHY!? You stole spell books and gave them to an actual hive of villainy! Your character judgement skills leave quite a bit to be desired young man.
-Listen, I’m entirely too stupid to leave you in this cage, so I’m going to open these gates and set you free on two conditions...
-One, you’re going to help me find all three books. Two, you’re not going to set me on fire. Break either of these rules and I’ll do something truly horrible to you...
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| Potions, sacred texts and orcs. Pretty much your standard library. |
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