-Welcome back to scenic Alftand, town hall is still hanging over the side of the cliff, deal with it!
-According to Septimus the Elder Scrolls are at the bottom of this structure. Then again, according to Septimus, purple is a type of hat, so let’s not assume anything he said is correct.
-Hello? Anyone home? We’re here from the electric company, we just need to go into your basement for a meter reading!
-Nope no one here, just piles and piles of Dwemer stuff. Guess that means we’ll be spending the next hour fighting dozens of robot spiders.
-Ah, a flight of stairs down, I’m sure we don’t have far to go!
-*Twenty minutes and five flights of stairs later*
-Huh... not much here, just some more steps heading down. Surely it can’t be far now!
-*Thirty minutes and six more flights of stairs later*
-Oh good, no steps... just a ramp, a long circular ramp heading down...Just lovely.
-The further down we go the more working Dwemer machinery we find. It’s amazing, with all the technology these folks had none of them ever built an elevator.
-Hey Punchy, wanna bet on what’s behind this door? I’m going to say it’s one of three things, either a talking pony, a giant squirrel OR another ramp going down.
-WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT! IT’S A DOWN RAMP! WHAT A SURPRISE! *Begins quietly weeping*
-The welcoming party has finally arrived to greet us. Let’s show them how much we appreciate the hospitality.
-*As three Falmer ascend the circular ramp, I zero in on their point man with my bow. I let the first arrow fly and find my mark in the small of his back, killing him instantly. One of the remaining Falmer begins to frantically look around in an effort to find me, our eyes meet the instant before my second arrow connects with his skull killing him where he stands.*
-*With the element of surprise gone Punchy rushes down the ramp to confront the last Falmer. I sprint to catch up with her but she has too much of a head start, and I watch as the Falmer draws back his ax, a moment before Punchy draws back hers. I fire a single arrow that zips past the side of Punchy's head and strikes the Falmer in his left shoulder, his momentum and advantage are lost. She brings her Ax blade down on his skull, his lifeless body crumbles under her weight and slides down the ramp before tumbling over the edge into the abyss below.*
-You know, maybe we shouldn’t run around like this when these ramps don’t have railings... or a visible bottom.
-I hear... voices? Not Falmer’s...sounds like cat people. It just wouldn’t be a dungeon crawl without treasure hunters to muck things up.
-Hey, we don’t want any trouble! If you could just point us to the closet ramp heading toward the core of the earth that would be great! Why are you trying to stab me?! Quit it! Fine! Let’s do this the hard way! See! Now there is an arrow in your torso! Are you happy now?!
-From their notes it looks like they’ve been down here a while, I’m guessing insanity settled in not long ago. Funny, I was just thinking what this mission needed was more crazy people with weapons to complicate things.
-Huh, what is this? Looks like more Dwarven machinery. But this one seems to have a spot for a round thingy... Septimus gave me a round thingy! Round thingy goes in round thingy spot!
-Wow, I really need to get back to the College of Winterhold as soon as we’re done here.
-Sphere is in, just need to press this button annndddd IT REVEALS ANOTHER FLIGHT OF STEPS DOWN! DAMN THIS INFERNAL MACHINE!
-Ok listen Punchy, I’m going to open this door and if their is anything other than perfectly level ground before our eyes I’m going to scream till my lungs explode. Try not to panic when it happens.
-I can’t believe it, Blackreach is a real place! I guess even a crazy clock is right twice a day.
-This is actually quite beautiful, I mean for a city that is considered to be in “ruins” it’s in better shape than Riften, even with the killer robots and giant man eating bugs roaming about.
-Are those people? Have the Falmer been keeping slaves down here?! I’m disturbed by this.
-Wait a second, maybe those aren’t slaves! Maybe we went so far down into the earth that we wound up in hell! Wait, I don’t see any Thalmor here, false alarm.
-I don’t even know what I’m looking for. I mean, sure a cube fits in whatever it is, but that’s not exactly super helpful at the moment.
-The Oculory? I may not know what that is, but I have a feeling it's exactly what I’m looking for.
-Whoa, this is the largest piece of Dwemer machinery I have EVER seen. And sure enough the cube fits right into the control panel!
-Ok, this machine is roughly a billion years old and designed to stop people like me from figuring it out. At times like this I’m reminded of something my mother use to say to me, “If you ever find yourself at the control panel of an ancient computer, it’s best to hit all the buttons as fast as possible.”
-*Clicky* *Clicky* *Clicky* *Clicky* *Clicky*, What? Don’t look so alarmed Punchy, I totally know what I’m doing. *Clicky* *Clicky* *Clicky *CLICK*
-Well, either I just unlocked this thing or we’re all going to die.
-*The machine slows its movements and the final piece of it descends from the dome ceiling and opens, inside are the Elder Scrolls*
-Button mashing, both the last act of a desperate man and the first act of an impatient one.
-Let’s take the elevator out of this place and figure out what the hell we do with these scrolls now that we have them.
 |
| Opening this only took five thousand frantic button presses. |
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