So Skyrim is like, super huge! And it's taking me a bit of time to work my way through it and every so often Steam has a sale and I buy some damn game for $2 and I get distracted... FORGIVE ME I'M ONLY HUMAN! So first, let me assure you, Dragonface will one day go scale to scale with Alduin, but right now I'm dealing with zombies or ghosts...or whatever the hell it is that is trying to kill me in "Lone Survivor," seriously, I think they are zombies, but their heads wobble all of the place like they are at a Ska concert every time I see them and honestly I'm more confused than afraid.
So in the meantime my friend Sharlene has been nice enough to do a few entries to keep this blog afloat with BioShock fueled comedy. I think this is the part where I would copy and paste a pre-approved Bio (and yes, she has one because she does stand-up comedy here in NY, and has her own comedy website which is currently down for re-tooling) but that seems way too formal. So what should I say about Sharlene?
Well this one time she asked me to help her move and I when I got to her apartment, I swear to god, it looked like a woman had exploded in there. Clothes were everywhere, there was a hair dryer balanced on a TV and a bunch of stuff in a closet that she couldn't pack because they were at the top and she couldn't reach them, how did they get up there in the first place? She had no idea. I mean, when people ask you to help them move you assume they have ALREADY ACTUALLY PACKED, but no, no she hadn't. God, don't even bring up the air conditioner!
Right, so besides the whole moving thing Sharlene is lovely, trusted and most importantly at this exact moment, very funny.
Without further ado...
Welcome to Rapture.
</Dragonface>
<Sharlene>
In honor of halloween, I’ll be playing Bioshock after having consumed a cup of coffee, which is a lot for me... also I’m bad at shooters and don’t deal well with jumpy things... also I’ve never played Bioshock before.
-OH GOD THE WATER!!! How in the... am I supposed to do something? This is a cut scene right?
-FIRE AND WATER JESUS WHY AM I NOT MOVING...oh.
-Hey look, some stairs, in the middle of nowhere...that’s...great.
-It’s like finding the top of the Chrysler building after Sandy.
-I’m a jerk.
-I also feel like LOST started this way.
-DARK DOOR OH JESUS MY HEART (switches to windowed mode for the sake of her safety)
-WHY DID IT CLOSE?! What if I want to grab my luggage?
-...lights? GAH! oh, ok...stairs...hey look its a capsule the size of my Manhattan apartment...
-But I don’t want to pull the lever, what if I just want to sit...WHERE IS THE SIT OPTION DAMMIT?
-Who left this Tony award underwater?
-...AH MUSIC, oh hello dude.
-But I hate being sweaty...
-HEEEEELLLLOOOOOAOAHAHAHAAGGGGH
-WHAAAAEEELLLLEEEEDGHSEGFJSGOLKBHDYRG...Man I’m great at speaking whale to that whale!
-...so...this city full of lights...underwater...HOW IS EVERYTHING NOT BEING ELECTROCUTED ALL THE TIME?!
-OH JESUS ITS THE SCHOOL NURSE FROM MY NIGHTMARES!!!
-I swear Mrs. Thompson, all of my nosebleeds in 4th grade were legit!!!
-OH GOD WHY! IS THIS GLASS HOOK PROOF!? WHERE IS MY GUN?!
-...probably needed to fish it from the debris OH GOD NOW THE RADIOS GLOWING?! oh wait a minute...
-Hello? This is Dog?
-You want me to WHAT? leave the BUBBLE?! ...no.
-CHRIST WHY!
-TRUST YOU FLOATING VOICE NAMED ATLAS!? BUT I HATE AYN RAND!
-OH GOD, oh, hey a turret thing.
-Wrench? oh I’m Mario now!
-WHY’D YOU THROW A COUCH AT ME?! WHO DOES THAT?!
-Eat wrench! Yea that’s how we do it in mushroom kingdom bitch.
</Sharlene>
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