-So,
Ms. Jarl of Riften, you say one of the Black-Briars is in prison for
murder? How does a Black-Briar wind up in prison in this neck of the
woods? Don’t they run this town? Geez, he must have eaten the guy in
broad daylight or something. Whatever, I’m going to go pay him a visit
and try to gather some family secrets.
-What kind of clearance do I have, you ask mister Jailor? Well, just look at this face, can you not tell how trustworthy and handsome I am? You should totally let me into your prison for a visit.
-Who can say no to this face? No one, that's who!
-Sibbi Black-Briar, a magical combination of arrogance, entitlement and foolishness. If you were an animal you would have been eaten as a pup.
-You murdered your beloved’s brother in broad daylight AND stole a horse AND want your beloved’s head as a gift.... I don’t even know where to start in terms of how wrong all those words are.
-Sure,
I’ll find her for you, just tell me where I can find that horse on your
family's property, I might also need to know where your family lives,
but that’s just a minor detail you should not worry about..
-Allow me to add “gullible” to the list of things that make you a special little snowflake, Sibbi.
-Alright team, we got what we need. Let’s swing by the inn on our way out and... where is Meeko? Did we forget him in the prison?
-Hello Jailor, yes it’s me again, the really handsome devil, anyway did you happen to see a dog around here? I came in with two and left with one, odds are he is around here someplace....
-YOU’RE IN A PRISON CELL, MEEKO?! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?! Also, as a dog what crime are you capable of?! Did you fall into the wrong crowd while I was gone? HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN AN AFTER SCHOOL SPECIAL?!
-I... I just don’t know what to say. I guess I have to spring my dog out of prison? Is this what I came back to Skyrim for? TO BREAK A DOG OUT OF HUMAN PRISON?!
-Fine, mission “dog prison break” was a smashing success. Let’s go see where the Black-Brairs call home, that is IF MY DOGS STOP COMMITTING FELONIES! Jerks.
-Either the Black-Brairs have the most heavily armed gardeners I have ever seen or these jokers have something to hide.
-Mercenaries, the place is crawling with them. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but the good guys don’t hire goons like these.
-Excuse me, Ms. Heavily armed goon? Do you mean to tell me that I’ve gotten close enough to you and the compound? You know, I was just thinking the same thing. *thwomp*, yep! I can totally arrow you in the face from this range. Thanks!
-I’m
sorry, were you planning on helping your fellow goon? Good luck with
that, I’ve told my puppies here that you have some dog treats in your
pockets, also, that you are hiding an entire chicken in your neck.
-Right, we’ve taken care of the exterior goons, but I’m going to wager this place has its fair share of interior goons as well. Let’s see what these folks are doing to keep busy.
-Nothing says "Champion of Justice" quite like sneaking into a house and *thwomp* murdering a mercenary while he quietly eats an apple.
-*The clatter of silverware brings three more mercenaries charging into the room, the first has his momentum broken by Meeko and Snuggleface, the second is instantly paralyzed by one swing of Punchy’s enchanted axe. Both mercenaries are dead before the third can fully enter the room, he calls for mercy but the dogs don’t take commands from anyone but me... and I don’t take commands from him.*
-All this murdering will surely make Riften a safer place, right? Maybe I’m going about this all wrong... maybe I need to murder MORE people. Yep, that sounds right.
-But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, time to commit a lesser crime and steal this horse and bring it back to its rightful owner.
-Fixing Riften, one felony at a time.
 |
| Meeko: The reason we can't have nice things. |
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