-I
guess I should go tell the priests of Mara the good news about Klimmek
and Fastred, I’m sure they are going to want to celebrate by sending me
on another match-making quest.
-Good ole’ Riften! The only city where I feel safer in its sewers than I do on its streets.
-You know what this town needs? A bigger prison. I mean, would anyone be against just building a giant cage around the entire city? I’m really not seeing a downside to this.
-How does one become a Priest of Mara anyway? I asked this questions months ago and I still don’t have a satisfactory answer. Until someone tells me otherwise I’m just going to assume it is done via a raffle.
-Dinya Balu, how goes it my peaceful priestess? Listen, I took care of the situation in Ivarstead, and I don’t mean to brag, but I didn’t even kill anyone.
-I know, I’m surprised too! Turns out there is something called “mediation” and, get this, you can’t shoot it out of a bow or set someone on fire with it!
-Personally I’m not a fan, but I can see how it would be useful sometimes....occasionally... rarely.... that one time.
-So do you need me to fix another relationship? I knew it! Here is a question for you, have you actually looked into my body of work? I mean, I’ve killed more people than the last plague, what makes you think I’m qualified to help people work out their differences and fall in love? -Wait, don’t walk away from me! I was trying to tell you how not qualified I am! You.. WAIT! DAMN IT! Exactly how many people do I need to kill to prove my point?
-Fine, whatever. This isn’t the first time I’ve been given a task for which I am completely unqualified for. Ooooh, I know! I'll put on my amulet of Mara! That will totally raise my credibility!
-*Puts on Amulet of Mara* Ah, that reminds me, Punchy could you take this... wait, new dialogue option? “Are you interested in me?”, what, like do you want to know my hobbies?
-You ARE interested in me? Well, let me say, I enjoy archery, hunting down bandits, stealing boots off dead people and.. wait, that’s not what you’re asking.
-WAIT! WHAT?! ARE WE TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE!?!
-This relationship we have, it’s professional, right? I mean, I trust you to watch my back and you trust me to watch yours. That’s what we have here, trust and... huh... well, I guess... I guess that is actually pretty damn important in this world.
-You know what? This world is most likely coming to an end, and if it is I can’t think of any other collection of pixels I want with me when this all gets blown apart.
-Yeah, let’s do this.
-I mean, it can’t go any worse than my real life marriage, right?
-(Dear wife, I am aware you are reading this and I am certain you will understand the humor of the above statement. If not, remember you knew what you were getting into from the very beginning. In summary, you have no one to blame but yourself. )
-(Also, please don’t punch me in my neck again while you are “sleeping”, last time that happened I was pretty sure I was going to die.)
-Hey Dinya! Guess what? I’ve decided to make a crazy and rash decision and I need your help, how much does it cost to rent this temple for a ceremony?
-It seems wrong to get married in armor and to be honest I don’t know where one finds a tailor at this hour, I guess we can make due with various clothing items we have taken from dead people. Pretty sure that is what most people do anyway.
-Oh look! Everyone showed up for the ceremony, even Lydia!
-Maramal, not to rush you, but the sooner you pronounce us Lizard and wife the sooner we can get back to saving the world.
-”...may they journey forth together in this life and the next, in prosperity and poverty, and in joy and hardship. Do you agree to be bound together, in love, now and forever?"
- "I do. Now and forever", not only because it’s the right thing to do, but we are also doing this for all the oppressed cross species couples in Skyrim!... which I assume are being oppressed... I think... I mean, it seems probable.
-Wow, I mean, WOW... this is by far the most insane thing that has happened so far and this is coming from a SIX FOOT TALL BIPEDAL LIZARD that once watched a dragon fight two giants, a mammoth, and a bear.
-Is it time for me to stop calling you Punchy and start calling you by your real name, Uthgerd?
-Well folks, thanks for coming to the ceremony, but Punchy and... I mean, my wife and I have to go and save the world, wish us luck! I suppose you should also wish yourselves luck.
-... also, we are registered at “Belethor's General Goods” and we could really use some kitchenware and arrows, no pressure, just saying. Thank you!
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| All wedding photography done by the F12 key. |
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