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Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Return to Skyrim, Day 12: Remedial Courses

-Welcome to Winterhold, our major exports are insane wizards and completely insane wizards.


-Also all the cold weather, all of it.

-Yes, hello! My dog, my horse, my lady and I are trying to gain entry to your fine city. Any chance you can let us in before we freeze to death in this eternal blizzard?

-You want me to cast fear on this stone floor before you’ll let me in? Seriously? How long have you been out here?

-SHUDDER IN FEAR, STONE GROUND! See? Now can I get in the city? Or do you have a flowerpot thats been giving you trouble?

-Mirebelle, thanks for the welcome. Lovely college you have here. Allow me to cut to the chase, I’m looking for some very old texts and... wait, come back! I don’t need a tour, I need information!

-Stop! I just wanted to... I guess I could attend a class? I, wait, what class is this?! Don’t walk away yet! WHY WON’T YOU STOP MOVING!?

-Alright Punchy, I guess we can take a quick course on spell-casting, I mean, it’s time I learn to kill a man with something other than a pointy stick fired from a curved one.

-Do I know magic? HA! I’ve been across your great lands! I’ve slain giants, dragons and countless bandits! And you ask ME if I know any magic?!

-.... no, not as such.

-Listen, I’ve tried to use fire spells, but I tend to set EVERYTHING on fire, even Punchy and my dog! I’m no expert, but that doesn’t seem right to me.

-Am I familiar with wards? Sure, I... um... have several? In this bag... see?

-... I have no idea what a ward is.

-Listen pal, you may be way more skilled with this whole “magic” thing, but let’s go find an archery range and I’ll show you a thing or two about pointy sticks!

-Also, as a magic teacher you seem friendly but stern, I’m going to call you Dumbledore from now on.

-So, you’re going to lob a spell at me and I’m going to cast this ward.. thingy? Somehow this won’t result with me in flames, yes?

-I’m just saying, I’ve been pelted with more spells than I’d ever care to admit and if you’re telling me I could have easily stopped.. WAIT! NOT READY! HOW DO I MAGIC?!

-I’ll be a son of a... the ward stopped the spell! THE WARD STOPPED THE SPELL! I LOVE YOU, DUMBLEDORE!

-Class dismissed?! Wait! This was the most informative five minutes of my life! Come back!

-Why didn’t anyone tell me I could learn magic in college!?

-Oh well, guess we can start looking around for a library or something.

The cat person to my left was voted "Most likely to burn down a village" after graduation.



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